Have you seen my glasses?
by Cielja
Summary: A little parody starring our favorite characters. Sawyer is looking for his glasses and has to endure some strange encounters before he gets what he wants. Set around season 2


**Have you seen my glasses?**

_x Disclaimer: I do not own "LOST" x_

_I hope you enjoy this little humerous one-shot and if you like, please leave a review!_

_It's set around season 2, so characters like Eko and Ben aka Henry Gale also make an appearance:-)_

'Son of a bitch! Where are my glasses?', Sawyer mumbled, rummaging through his tent. He needed them to read the dime novels he had found in a pink bag in the jungle.

'Not funny!', he shouted as he stormed out and stomped over to Kate, who was seemingly busy to write something on a notepad with a broken pencil.

'Hey freckles! Have you seen my glasses?'

'No, I haven't.', she answered unconcentrated and kept on scribbling on her notepad.

'Whatcha doing there?'

'I make a list to see if you or Jack are the perfect man for me.', Kate said, still not looking up. 'You asking me about banal things is definitely a minus!'

'Bloody hell!', unnerved Sawyer walked on past an on the ground crouching Charlie, who was holding his arms around his knees while repeating 'I have seen the Holy Mother, I have seen the Holy Mother ..., inside her is what I need!'

'Yeah, I once had strange dreams too!', Sawyer interjected before he made his way over to a sleeping Claire.

'Sweetheart, wake up!', he shook at her shoulders.

'What?', Claire slowly awoke and looked around disoriented. 'Oh God! Where's my baby? Where's Aaron?', the next moment she was wide awake, jumping up and then clung helplessly on Sawyer.

'Gosh, what's wrong with you people today? The little one is right over there!', he pointed to the cradle. 'I guess you haven't seen my glasses either?'

But instead of an answer, the pretty blonde just exclaimed 'Oh thank you so much!', before grabbing her son and rocking him, which only let Aaron to wake up too and start crying. 'It's okay. Mommy is here!'

A few steps away Hurley sat in the sand, busy burrowing in the ground.

'Let's see who we got here! Marlon Brando!', Sawyer said with a wide smile.

'Marlon Brando?'

'Yep, at the end of his life he was, you know, almost as big as you are.'

'Erm.', Hurley answered, keeping on digging out shells which he put on a small pile next to him.

'Are you planning to eat them or what?', Sawyer went on teasing and finally Hurley turned around, holding up a huge ivy colored shell.

'Dude, you think Libby will like it? Frogurt has given her a much bigger one she now wears around her neck.', he stammered, trying hard to hold back his tears.

'If you have nothing else to offer.', Sawyer sighed, but then tried to cheer Hurley up. 'Yes, of course she will. Who else would burrow through the sand all day long?'

See, that's the best I can do, Sawyer thought while wandering off to Sayid, who sat in front of his tent on a small, self-built table.

'Have you seen my glasses?'

'If you ask nicely I may make you new ones. But to answer your question: No, I haven't.'

'Before or after you've tortured me?'

'I have much more important things to do than occupying myself with a stupidity like torturing. You see, I finally made it to build a new transceiver which will save us all!'. Proudly Sayid held up an old cellphone on which he had installed some wires.

'I just have to push the incoming call button and then we'll have contact!', he cheered by doing so.

The cellphone let hear a long, high-pitched beep before dying down.

'Fantastic! We'll all get off this bloody island!', Sawyer sneered. He strolled over to Desmond who sat with a bottle of Dharma whiskey in his hands, looking happily out on the sea.

'Next try. I guess you also haven't seen my glasses?'

'You know, brother, I have forseen that you will enter a mysterious place and there you'll find all you've been looking for!', Desmond exclaimed by swinging around his bottle, spilling some of its content, before taking a few gulps.

'The heat and the alcohol seem to be a good combination... brother.', Sawyer answered sarcastically.

Maybe he should ask the priest, or what the hell the tall African was.

Having reached a high ground on which Eko was occupied with chopping wood, he greeted by saying 'I know you probably think you have more important things to do too. But have you seen my glasses?'

'I'm building a church and earthly things like bad eyesight are not concerning me. I have to do this for Yemi, if you'll excuse me.', Eko said, holding up his Jesus stick into Sawyer's face.

'Whatever, man!'

Sawyer continued to walk around the camp. coming across Rose and Bernard, who seemingly had an argument about how big a stone for a S.O.S signal should be.

He stopped in front of Sun.

'Fish, Jin. Try to say fish!', the beautiful Korean woman gestured towards her husband.

'Fesh.', Jin stuttered, looking fascinated on his wife's lips.

'No! F-i-s-h!', Sun exclaimed and making swimming movements with her arms. Jin just looked more confused and unnerved Sun turned around to face Sawyer.

'Yes?'

'Have you seen my glasses?'

'No, I don't think so.', she said by pulling out a strand of hair from her forehead. Jealous Jin watched the scene, making angry moves with his fist.

'Haven't thought otherwise!', Sawyer sighed exasperated, now having recognized Locke on the other end of the camp.

Locke was carving a hunting spear, humming a tuneless song.

'Okay, I'm tired of doing this. But have you seen my glasses?'

'Sorry, can't help you there!', Locke answered amused.

'What's so amusing? You think you're the only one who knows all the mysteries of the universe? That's why you're sitting here and sharpening a piece of wood?'

'James!', Locke looked angry now, 'Don't tell me what I can do! It's my destiny!'. He stood up and flailed around with his new spear.

'You are all in need of a good doctor.', Sawyer mumbled.

Speaking of, he thought, as he now saw Jack and Ana-Lucia coming out of the jungle.

'Hey doc! Have you seen my glasses?'

'No, sorry!', Jack gasped for air, pulling out a water bottle from within his rucksack.

'If you give me a weapon, I'll help you finding it!', Ana interfered.

'Forget it, pumpkin!'

You know, Sawyer', Jack took over again, 'Live together, die alone!'. With a wide grin he patted Sawyer on the shoulder before he and Ana proceeded into the camp.

'What's that supposed to mean?', rolling his eyes, Sawyer walked into the jungle. Maybe he should go looking inside the hatch.

As he had already walked for a while he heard a loud 'WALT!' coming out of the undergrowth right before him.

'Michael?'

Suddenly the said man broke out of the bushes.

'Sawyer? Have you seen Walt?'

'No. Have you seen my glasses?'

But Michael's thoughts had already strayed. He looked to his right and screamed 'WALT!' by running away and vanishing between some trees.

'You are all nutcases!', Sawyer shouted after him.

He finally reached the hatch and when he entered it, he could hear some loud bangs coming from inside.

'Hello? Is anybody out there?', the man who had passed himself of as Henry Gale called from inside the closet, where he was locked into.

'Yeah, yeah, I'm here!', Sawyer said tiredly, looking around the hatch.

'I'm hungry! You've got anymore cereals maybe?'

'Shut up, Henry!', Sawyer gave back while he was looking through a pile of old laundry lying on the floor, where Libby apparently got her tops from.

'And I've finished "War and peace"! I need something else to read!', Henry kept on complaining.

'No one has ever finished "War and peace"! And I can only offer you "Margaret and the mysterious stranger".', Sawyer called back.

'Have never heard about that novel.'

'It's great! Margaret just found out that her husband had cheated on her and so she escaped to the Scottish Highlands where she met that handsome Lord McLachlan.', Sawyer summarized what he was reading and the reason why he needed to find his glasses.

'Are we talking dime novels?'

But Sawyer couldn't hear Henry's scornful opinion anymore.

Right next to the PC he finally found his glasses where he had left them two days ago.

Satisfied he typed the numbers as the signal was starting to beep again, put on his glasses and whistling strolled out of the hatch.

Now he could find out if Margaret would finally fall for the mysterious Lord McLachlan.

_The End _


End file.
